41 Signs You’re A Jaded San Franciscan

1. It’s a “corner store” not a “bodega”
2. When traveling, you get confused when there’s nowhere to put your recycling and compost.
3. You’re no longer eligible for 7×7′s Hot 20 Under 40.
4. You’re genuinely baffled by the sight of children.
5. You’re no longer fazed by human feces.
6. You think it’s cool that your band opened for Sleater-Kinney at the Tip Top.
7. You say you’re over Dolores Park… when you’re on your way to Dolores Park.
8. You go batshit insane and remove all your clothing the moment the temperature breaks 78 degrees.
9. You no longer yell “back door!” or “step down!” for fellow Muni riders because it’s more satisfying to watch them struggle.
10. You think people who call it “the BART” or “the Muni” should be immediately deported to North Dakota.
11. Same goes for people who eat a burrito with a knife and fork.
12. You know that tacos are the new burrito.
13. And pupusas are the new tacos.
14. You remember when the city was a gay mecca
15. You throw a tantrum every time you try to find food after 10 p.m.
16. You’ve gotten food poisoning twice from bacon wrapped hot dogs on Mission Street, and you will still get it a third time.
17. You’re completely blind to naked old men with cockrings.
18. You miss the days when you could do way too much E on Saturdays at Club Universe
19. You’ve STILL never been to Alcatraz.
20. You’ve actually taken a moment to look up who your District Supervisor is.
21. You’ve appeared in Gloss magazine.
22. You used to get drunk with Ana Matronic at Trannyshack when it was at the Stud.
23. You actually went to this cyber cafe.
24. Uber seems like a perfectly normal, affordable way to get around town.
25. You’ve lived here for more than two months.
26. You have four terrariums.
27. You know science museums are actually for grownups.
28. The F line just seems loud and annoying
29. You remember when Mecca was hip and Farallon was brand new.
30. You want a serious relationship just so you can split your rent.
31. You worked at The Industry Standard.
32. You remember when the Lion Pub was a gay bar.
33. You got laid at the Black House in the Castro.
34. You say things like, “I don’t go North of Geary.”
35. Aside from work, you never leave your neighborhood.
36. Napa sounds like a pain in the ass to get to.
37. Oakland sounds like a pain in the ass to get to.
38. North Beach sounds like a pain in the ass to get to.
39. You’ve stopped trying to compare San Francisco to New York.
40. The next time you step off a BART train from SFO, you’ll realize you secretly kind of missed the faint odor of weed and urine.
41. You may need a liver transplant.


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