STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES DECEMBER 16, 2010
December Strangies: Leno 4, O’Brien 4, Letterman 2, Ferguson 1, Kimmel 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Thursday, December 16
10. Jay Leno: Larry KIng is stepping down after 40,000 interviews, 7 wives and 1 sister-in-law.
9. Jay Leno: Colorado is going to make men caught with prostitutes take a class in prostitution. “First thing is, we only have the classroom for an hour.” What do they teach them? Watch out for the adam’s apple? Charlie Sheen took the class. Now he’s going for his PhD.
8. Jay Leno: Al Qaeda is said to be planning Christmas attacks in the U.S. and Europe. The U.S. sprang into action, telling Al Qaeda, “You can’t call them Christmas attacks. You have to call them holiday attacks.”
7. David Letterman: The Yankees offered Cliff Lee $200 million, and I said, whoa, that’s Mrs. Tiger Woods money. But he turned it down. The Yankees really wanted the guy. At the end they were even willing to throw in Kate Hudson.
6. Conan O’Brien: Ex-President Jimmy Carter said someday soon Americans could elect a gay President. Then he winked, put on some lipstick and said, “Or maybe they already did, girlfriend.”
5. Jimmy Fallon: The Obamas had their dog Bo sign their Christmas card with a paw print, but Bo only agreed to do it after Obama extended the Bush-era treats policy.
4. Craig Ferguson: A woman in Wales is 103, and she’s the world’s oldest Facebook user. Which just goes to show you, you’re never too old to waste your precious time here on Earth.
3. Craig Ferguson: [Jimmy Fallon sent Craig a Christmas sweater] Jimmy Fallon is wonderful, and he can knit like 12 gay men! [It had Jimmy and Craig's faces on it.] Thank you, Jimmy. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be against at this time of night.
2. Jimmy Kimmel: Larry King had his last show tonight. He’s going into semi-retirement. He said he wanted to spend more time with his son Regis. At the end of the show he didn’t say goodbye. He said so long. Then he clapped twice, and off went the lights.
1. David Letterman: Tonight was Larry King’s last show. In a tearful moment he denied being a lesbian. Anyway, chalk up another kill for Jay Leno.
Earth (The Book): A Visitor’s Guide to the Human Race by Jon Stewart
Jon gives the entire history of Earth for the benefit of the aliens who have discovered the ruins. Every page is a delight.
Page 10 : Places to See: The Pyramids of Giza: Relics of the golden age of funeral directing.
Places to See: Mt. Kilimanjaro: Brown on the bottom, white on the top. Just like all of Africa used to be.
13 – Global warming threatened the delicate balance of life on earth, causing millions to pretend to change the way they live.
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SENTINEL FOUNDER PAT MURPHY
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