(Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert & David Letterman in reruns)
STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION AUGUST 9, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Strangie to Jimmy Fallon: “The Statue of Liberty is closing for 9 months for the installation of a 2nd staircase. But I heard boob job.”
Jay Leno: “Tiger Woods was 18 over par, his worst score ever. The last time he hit that many trees he was trying to get out of his driveway.” “Exxon’s profits doubled last year, probably because of their new slogan, ‘Hey, We’re Not BP.’” “Without food stamps many Americans would find obesity beyond them.” “Remember that 7-year-old girl in Oregon whose lemonade stand was closed down because she didn’t have a $120 business license? Now she has a more legitimate business. She’s opened a medical marijuana dispensary.” Headlines: Classified for sale ad: “Bad mitten set.” “Please call and leave a massage.” News item: “Sandra Jacobs, who spoke on condition of anonymity …”
Jimmy Kimmel: “After her disorderly conduct arrest Snooki has said she’ll stop drinking during the day, but that violates her contract with MTV.” “Remember that couple who named their son Adolf Hitler Campbell? He’s 4 now and has written his first book, ‘Mein Camp.’” “Justin Bieber got hit by a water bottle onstage. Did Adolf Hitler Campbell throw it?”
Jimmy Fallon: “Simon Cowell was photographed on vacation without his shirt. He turned too fast and his nipple took out a family of five.” “There’s a new Pop Tart Cafe in Times Square. At last a way to enjoy them without having to make them myself.” “A man was caught smuggling piranhas. And I’d thought it was dangerous putting cocaine in your rectum.”
Craig Ferguson: “Smokey the Bear is 66. But if you see a real bear in the woods wearing a ranger hat, it’s because he ate the ranger.” “On this day in 1173 construction began on the Leaning Tower of Pisa, named after the town, Leaning. It leans because of a lousy foundation. It makes as much sense as building a city on a major earthquake fault. People were shocked when they found out the tower wasn’t straight, like I was when I heard about Ricky Martin. They quit working on the tower for a hundred years to let the foundation settle. Same principle as Joan Rivers.”
Mary Russell and her husband Sherlock Holmes are sent by Mycroft Holmes to India to find and rescue Kipling’s Kim (Kimball O’Hara), now a grown man.
Page 124 – [Mary] “What did Kipling call Kim? ‘Little friend to all the world?’”
[Sherlock] “Yes; being all the world’s friend, O’Hara ultimately belonged to no one. In that respect, the phrase applies to young Bindra. Kim, however, formed his own family as time went on, binding himself to the chosen few irrevocably and utterly. I am not certain that this child has that capacity.”
“He seems to have formed an affection for us — certainly for you.”
“But can you see him hesitating for a moment to drop us if something better came along?”
I could not.
179 – This could only be the maharajah of Khanpur, come to greet his guests.
180 – Mrs. Goodheart looked confused; Sunny, on the other hand, was bedazzled by the maharajah. I couldn’t help speculating about Mrs. Goodheart’s opinions on inter-racial marriages.
August Strangies: Letterman 2, Fallon 2, Leno 1, Kimmel 1
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SENTINEL FOUNDER PAT MURPHY