STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION JUNE 18, 2010

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION JUNE 18, 2010

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By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

Friday, June 18 Strangie to Jay Leno: "BP has changed its slogan to ‘What Can Brown Do For You?’"

June Strangies: Leno 4, Colbert 2, Ferguson 2, Fallon 2, Stewart 2, Handler 1, Letterman 1

David Letterman: "Sure, but what about global humidity?" "In honor of Gay Pride Week, the mayor has changed his name to Neil Patrick Bloomberg. Good luck getting your dog groomed this week. For the Gay Parade I’m going as Helen Thomas." "Father’s Day is Sunday. Give him a case of Colt 45 and a nose-hair trimmer. Last year my son gave me a mug that said ‘World’s Oldest Dad.’" "We’re starting to smell the oil spill up here. I really noticed it when I came out tonight. BP may go out of business. Then who would be in charge of not stopping the leak?" Guest Larry Miller: "God said, ‘Who ate the apple?’ and Adam said, ‘Eve did.’ Eve said, ‘Really?’ She grabbed a fig leaf. ‘You’re never going to see this again.’"

Jay Leno: "The problem’s solved. They’re going to plug the oil leak with Celtics championship T-shirts. Lakers fans actually pushed one of Charlie Sheen’s cars back up the cliff." "Rep. Joe Barton of Texas apologized to BP. How dumb are you when the head of BP is in the room and people still think you’re the stupid one. Still, I understand how hard it is to bite the hand that bribes you." "It’s the 38th anniversary of Watergate, the last time anyone thought the Democrats had plans worth stealing." "Forty human heads were found on a Southwest flight. They all died waiting for their connections." "A study showed rats are born with a sense of direction. They head straight to law school."

Jimmy Kimmel: "Sunday is Father’s Day, when we celebrate a guy who had sex with our mother." "The U.S. soccer team got a tie instead of a win when the ref called a foul for no apparent reason. That ref is just lucky we don’t care about soccer."

Jimmy Fallon: "Tonight we’re going to pretend the oil spill never happened. Like BP does." "In New York you can now buy 192 proof liquor. Or the clerk can just punch you in the liver." "A British man almost lost a testicle while getting a bikini wax in a bar. I think he lost both testicles when he decided to get a bikini wax in a bar." "A Harry Potter theme park just opened in Florida. You must be this nerdy to get on the rides."

Craig Ferguson: "There are now two female astronauts in the International Space Station. You know what this means, zero gravity underpants pillow fights." "Taylor Lautner has said that in future movies he will only take his shirt off if there’s a reason for it. I just finished the screenplay for ‘The Man Without a Shirt." "There’s more water than we thought on the moon. There’s so much water, in fact, that BP’s going up to ruin it." "’Toy Story’ needs balance. Too much Buzz and you can’t get Woody, but if you get Woody for over four hours you need a doctor." Viewer e-mail: "I have to write a poem for school. What should it be about?" Craig: "Nantucket."

Joel McHale on "The Soup": "Jimmy Dean died this week. Now where can we find another former singer good at peddling his sausage?" Showed a clip of Ru Paul.

Three Witnesses by Rex Stout, The Viking Press 1954

Three short Nero Wolfe mysteries, narrated by his studly assistant Archie Goodwin.

Of course she was acting, since actresses always are, but the glamour was turned off because the part didn’t call for it.

“What idea?” Her hands were fists, on the couch for props.

She saw me taking her in, and reciprocated frankly, her head tilted a little to one side, came and sat on a chair near mine, and gave me the kind of straight look that you expect only from a queen or a trollop.

She was large not only in bulk but also in facial detail, each and all of her features being so big that space above her chin was at a premium.

GoDaddy handles my own web sites very well.

For each day’s funniest zingers follow me on Twitter
@strangedejim

See Related: STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION

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