STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION MAY 5, 2010

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION MAY 5, 2010

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By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

Wednesday, May 5 Strangie goes to David Letterman: "It’s official. British Petroleum has now put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders."

May Strangies: Fallon 1, Stewart 1, Letterman 1

Stephen Colbert: "This segment is very hard to watch. If you have small children in the room you might leave and have them watch it for you."

David Letterman: "Last night it was as quiet in here as Cinco de Mayo in Arizona. Not like in New York. Here the mayor had them fill the pot holes with salsa." "There was another smoking vehicle in Times Square today. Willie Nelson’s tour bus."

Jay Leno: "Happy Cinco de Mayo. Today only, when cops pull you over for drunk driving, they put salt around the rim of the breathalyzer. In Arizona they celebrate the traditional way, in hiding." "Continental is merging with United to form Con Air." "The Times Square bomber’s house is in foreclosure. The Taliban doesn’t pay very well. He even had to use his own car. If ever a job called for a company car it’s car bomber." "British Petroleum is lowering a 98-ton dome over the oil leak. Lowering a dome over oily scum doesn’t always work." [Showed a photo of the U.S. Capitol.] "Yesterday was Youth Day in China. Kids only had to work a 15-1/2 hour day."

Jimmy Kimmel: "The Gulf of Mexico now looks like the hot tub on ‘Jersey Shore.’" "There may be a flower shortage on Mother’s Day. Tiger Woods has bought them all." "The Times Square bomber used the wrong kind of fertilizer, which is what happens when you don’t watch Martha Stewart carefully" "Six months ago Justin Bieber was an ordinary kid, and now he’s at the White House with Kim Kardashean, which shows the power of the bowl haircut."

Jimmy Fallon: "12% of parents punish their kids by banning social networking, while the other 78% punish their kids by joining social networking sites."

Locked Rooms by Laurie R. King, Bantam Books 2005

Sherlock Holmes and his equally brilliant wife Mary Russell are in San Francisco in the 1920s, solving mystery and murder in her past. (As a child of six she’d been in the 1906 earthquake and fire. At fourteen she was the sole survivor of a car crash that killed her parents and brother.) Mary Russell narrates.

As Dee Greenfield turned to the door, she told me, “You won’t remember Jeeves, Mary; he’s only been with us for two years.”
Startled, I looked straight into the black eyes of the butler, seeing in their depths a well-concealed spark of humour. “Jeeves?”
It was she who answered, over her shoulder. “Yes, his name was Robert, but we could hardly have that, could we, it was my husband’s name. So I let him choose another and that’s what he came up with. Silly, but what can one do”
My involuntary grin fanned the spark of humour for an instant, then he turned to open the ornate wooden door for us. As I went past, I said, ‘Carry on, Mr. Jeeves.”
The smooth dark skin around the man’s mouth twitched briefly, but nothing more.

The American retrieved his wallet, looked at the open hand, and slowly extended his own. “The name’s Hammett, Dashiell Hammett. And I guess we might as well have a drink.”

“Do you have any reliable contacts among the police?” Hammett laughed. “You haven’t been here long enough to hear about our cops. They’re the best money can buy.”

 

For each day’s 3 or 4 funniest zingers follow me on Twitter
@strangedejim

See Related: STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION

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