STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION MARCH 29, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Monday, March 29 Strangie: Jimmy Fallon: "The first wedding was held at Citi Field. You could tell it was at Citi Field because no one caught the bouquet."
March Strangies: Fallon 7, Letterman 5, Kimmel 4, Leno 3, Ferguson 2
Jon Stewart: Correspondent Jason Jones interviewing the founder of the all-white basketball league: "Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before? I mean, since integration."
Stephen Colbert: "Elijah is the ultimate Passover ‘get.’" "What really smears my pap …"
Jay Leno: "President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan this weekend. I guess after the last 14 months in Washington he wanted to go someplace where there was less fighting." "Michael Steele, chairman of the Republican National Committee, is in trouble because $2,000 of RNC money was spent on a Hollywood bondage-themed nightclub where topless women simulated lesbian sex. And the Republicans are the family values party." "Kraft Foods announced they’re reducing the salt in Oscar Mayer bolgna. They picked salt because it’s the only ingredient they could identify."
Headlines: Resume: "Formerly worked as a fairy farmer."
David Letterman: "President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan, and the President of Afghanistan was late. The accelerator on his camel got stuck. Obama wants to institute honest government, and if it works there, we’ll bring it to the United States." "Sarah Palin campaigned for John McCain in a motorcycle jacket. She looked like someone Jesse James would date. McCain and Palin together looked like a Viagra ad." "Did you watch ‘Dancing with the Stars’? After her cha-cha, out of habit, Pamela Anderson crawled around on the floor looking for tips." Guest Robin Williams: "If Darwin had landed in Australia he’d have gone, ‘I’m wrong.’" Robin as Walter Cronkite: "A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, ‘You have to quit masturbating.’ The man says, ‘Why, Doc?’ ‘Because I’m trying to examine you.’" Robin has a new DVD.
Jimmy Kimmel: "How does John McCain introduce Sarah Palin? ‘Here’s the young lady who cost me the Presidency?’" Guest Kevin Nealon: "When a woman throws up she immediately hops on the scale. ‘Ah.’"
Jimmy Fallon: "Happy 24th birthday to Lady Gaga. Friends planned to surprise her, but the plant they were hiding behind turned out to be Lady Gaga." "The Republicans have become the party of ‘Hell no.’ Joe Biden says the Democrats are the party of ‘F**k yeah!’" "At the Kids’ Choice Awards each winner took home a little orange blimp, as does anyone who dates Snooki." "On ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Darryl Strawberry was fired after he said he was tired and wanted to go home. If only he knew of some substance to make him more energetic."
Craig Ferguson: "The movie I’m in, ‘How to Train Your Dragon,’was #1 this weekend, and ‘Alice in Wonderland’ was #2, so I’m on top of Johnny Depp. Dreams do come true. It’s just my voice. I like having only part of me in a movie. If only I could have another part in a movie. In the film I teach people to train dragons. I know how to do it because I once interviewed William Shatner." "I thought it was funny, so I called my mother and told her, ‘I bought a tie in Thailand.’ She thought I’d done something illegal. She thought I said, ‘I bought a Thai in Thailand.’"
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