STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION MARCH 25, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Thursday, March 25 Strangie: Jimmy Kimmel: "Defense Secretary Robert Gates is changing ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ to ‘If He’s Gay, Look Away’. Now the only place where gays can get thrown out is ‘Project Runway.’"
March Strangies: Fallon 6, Letterman 5, Kimmel 4, Ferguson 2, Leno 2
Jay Leno: "There are fierce sandstorms in China. Pre-school children haven’t been able to get to work in the sneaker factories." "One in seven Americans don’t have cell phones. We call them grandparents." "If it takes you more than thirty minutes to fall asleep at night you have double the risk of dying. That fact should help you nod off." "Kids are getting so fat they won’t have sex with their teachers unless they take them to dinner first. At the prom they have the Dairy Queen and the Burger King. ‘Sesame Street’ is brought to them by the letters KFC.’" "A 98-year-old won a college scholarship. She decided on a 2-year college. And an 81-year-old shot and killed her 73-year-old neighbor. Where are the parents?" A guy in the audience could rub spit on his ear and then tuck it into a little ball. Guest Jim Norton: "That’s a very good trick to learn if you’re ever going to fight Mike Tyson."
Jimmy Kimmel" "’American Idol’ is down to ten contestants, three of whom can sing." "Jesse James wants to make up with Sandra Bullock, but the Republicans say they’ll block reconciliation. Tiger Woods is planning his first press conference two Mondays from now. He’ll just talk about one mistress, and then another each Monday until Christmas." "MTV has announced this is the last season of ‘The Hills.’ Then they’ll run the whole cast through a wood chipper. It’s just a shame Heidi and Spencer are alive to see this."
Jimmy Fallon: "At the ‘Kid’s Choice Awards’ Michelle Obama is to be given an award for her work in fighting childhood obesity, presented by Kevin James. That’s like having an award for being faithful presented by Jesse James." "The remains of a new kind of ancient man have been found. He was stronger than present man, but with a smaller brain and discolored skin. They’re calling him The Situation." "YouTube went down. To get my morning fix I had to teach my own cat to play the piano. Wikipedia also went down. Well, that might not be true, because I read it on Wikipedia."
Craig Ferguson: "It’s Sarah Palin’s birthday. She remembered by writing it on her hand. It’s also Burt Reynolds’ birthday, and tomorrow Charles Darwin. They’re the two men who’ve done the most to prove the theory of evolution." "California had three of the top ten drunkest cities in America. The cities were Fresno, Riverside, and whatever town Mel Gibson is driving through."
"Thick Noon" by Nick Thune is really funny.
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