STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION MARCH 17, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Wednesday, March 17 Strangie goes to David Letterman, who showed two or three clips each of newscasters saying about Eric Massa: "Groping." "Tickling." "Tickle parties." "Snorkeling." And then Glenn Beck saying, "Fondling a cat."
March Strangies: Fallon 5, Letterman 5, Ferguson 2, Kimmel 1
Jon Stewart: "Health Care: The Medicarening": Jon showed a clip of a Republican saying, "This bill should not be passed by anyone unless they ate it." John Oliver: "The Democrats want to bury my grandmother alive, and God knows she deserves it, but …" Guest Snoop Dogg: "Yes, Dr. Dre has let me know how he feels about health care. He’s high on it."
Stephen Colbert: "There’s a shamrock shortage in Ireland. I know we had a potato famine, but now we can’t even grow a goddam weed?"
Jay Leno: "Toyota has recalled nine or ten million cars, faulty steering, faulty brakes, sticky gas pedals. Turns out the Yugo was the car of the future." "Cardiologists are saying too much exercise can be as bad for you as not enough exercise. Experts say this could affect as many as two Americans. Lance Armstrong and some other guy."
David Letterman: "I saw the first robin of spring, a guy robbin’ an old lady. Soon it will be the drunk honeymooner falling off a cruise ship season. Wait. That wasn’t funny." "An audit found New York taxis overcharge by an average of $4 a trip. But you do get the aromatherapy." "It’s tax season. My accountant says I should move the show to the Canary Islands. He can’t even count to 21 unless he’s naked." "Rosie O’Donnell turns 48 on Sunday. If you want to get her a present you can’t go wrong with fishing tackle. Right about now she’s in a bar arm-wrestling for beer." "Oh, and happy St. Patrick’s Day. I drank a bottle of green beer, and I don’t feel so good. Turns out it was Scope. How better to honor Ireland’s saint than by sitting on a curb throwing up in a green hat? I took Mom to the parade. Halfway through she said, ‘David, where’s Santa?’ Everyone was in green. Even Regis was wearing his money." "Eric Massa had nude tickle parties, and his constituents said, ‘Hey, that’s not what we elected him to do.’" To guest: "How did you get from Paisley, Scotland, to big-time film star?" Gerard Butler: "By plane, mainly."
Jimmy Fallon: "In Ireland, St. Patrick’s Day honors St. Patrick, who drove out the snakes. Like how in America, we honor St. Samuel L. Jackson ['Snakes on a Plane']. In Ireland leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow. In America at the end of the rainbow there’s a gay bar." "President Obama went on Fox News to promote health care. That’s like John Edwards going on ‘The Marriage Ref.’"
Mary Russell and her husband Sherlock Holmes are in Dartmoor, close to Baskerville Hall, looking for a murderer.
I had not seen Holmes in nearly three weeks, and it did occur to me that perhaps in the interval my husband had lost his mind.
It was a violin, playing a sweet, plaintive melody, light and slow and shot through with a profound and permanent sadness. I had never, to my knowledge, heard the tune before, although it had the bone-deep familiarity possessed by all things that are very old. I did, however, know the hands that wielded the bow. “Holmes?” I said into the dark.
He was a man who had seen a great deal in his eighty-nine years, and approved of little of it.
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