STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION FEBRUARY 8, 2010
9 February 2010
STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
FEBRUARY 8, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Monday, February 8 winner: David Letterman, who ended the show by saying, "And once again I’d like to thank the actors who played Jay and Oprah in our Super Bowl commercial."
February wins: Letterman 5, Fallon 1
Jay Leno: "The Super Bowl’s the best thing to happen to New Orleans since Bush left office. And Washington got three feet of snow. So the saying’s true. New Orleans did win the Super Bowl when hell froze over. As you know, I watched the game with Dave and Oprah. Dave and I hadn’t seen each other for 18 years. He saw me on Facebook and sent a friend request, and I accepted. The reunion went so well Dave and I are going to Vancouver to compete in the two-man luge." Jay told how Dave had called and asked him to do the Super Bowl commercial. Jay flew secretly to New York and entered the Ed Sullivan Theater in disguise. An NBC exec heard rumors, so Jay called the guy every day asking what was up. The guy told him they thought President Obama had secretly filmed something with Dave and Oprah.
Dave, Oprah and Jay Together
Click here for the story of how the commercial happened.
"Did you like The Who in the half-time show? They looked like that old band in the Viagra commercial." "There was three feet of snow back East. They’re searching for ‘Jersey Shores’ Snooki." "A study found there are three factors that determine whether your child will be obese: breakfast, lunch and dinner." "Did you read about that girl who traded her virginity for tuition. The sad part is, it was just bartender school." "Michael Jackson’s doctor is headed to jail and may also lose his license. There’s health care reform for you." Headlines: "The Who Wander Off After Half-time Show." "Foote Sent Home to Have Ankle Looked at." A man who was accused of indecent exposure had his wife testify in court that he wasn’t well enough endowed for the female postal worker to see his penis from 35 feet away. Weddings: Bouy - George, Sheet - House, Long - Pickell, Hardman - Fitz, Butt - Licker, Dick - Bender.
Jon Stewart: "Amerigasm: This weekend saw the Super Bowl, a Tea Party convention and Ronald Reagan’s birthday."
Stephen Colbert lost the office Super Bowl ad pool: "I was sure this was the year farting beavers would sell burritos."
David Letterman: "The good news from the Super Bowl, I am no longer Indiana’s biggest disappointment. The Who played at half-time, and Pete Townsend kept trying to warn the crowd about some bad antacid. President Obama threw a Super Bowl party with some Republicans there. Yeah, now they care about New Orleans." "Sarah Palin has announced she’s running for President in 2012. Thank you, God. She was paid $100,000 to appear at the Tea Party convention. As usual she was paid in pelts. The dinner cost $380 a plate, but for that a guy would come to your table and waterboard a lobster." "Saturday was Babe Ruth’s birthday. He was the first baseball player to his 60 home runs and sleep with Madonna." Biff Henderson wandered on-stage and asked Dave, "Is Jay Leno still here?" Dave: "No, he went home a few days ago." Biff: "Darn, I wanted to give him this hilarious headline."
Jimmy Fallon: "FEMA announced plans to congratulate New Orleans in about two weeks." "A member of Oprah’s audience suddenly gave birth. Talk about a surprise under your seat!" "There’s a new dress made out of condoms, or as Lady Gaga calls it, comfy clothes."
Craig Ferguson: "Toyota knew there was a problem when Prius owners couldn’t stop … talking about how great their cars were." "Hillary and Chelsea Clinton can’t find a dress for Chelsea’s wedding. The best place to find a dress is on the floor in Bill’s office." "The Super Bowl and then Mardi Gras. New Orleans is going on a bender so big their mascot is Mel Gibson. Bourbon Street. When you even name your streets after liquor … Go down Vodka Alley, but stop before you turn up It’s Really a Dude, which is just a cul-de-sac."
Wanda Sykes: "The Super Bowl is all the way across the country in Florida, but if you drive a Toyota you can still make it."
"Saturday Night Live": An ad for Cialis for three-ways: "When it falls into your lap you want your lap to be ready." Seth Meyers: "Toyota said owners should stop driving their cars. The owners said, ‘We’re trying.’" "The drunkest city in the country is Fresno. How drunk is it? Its real name is Frenzo." "As they say on ‘Jersey Shore,’ ‘If it ain’t broke, break it.’" "A woman watching a sunset on a webcam saw a man drowning and called the Coast Guard, who saved him. Now who’s going to save the life of the woman who watches sunsets on a web cam?"
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“That guy thinks he’s Andy Warhol,” I said. That guy is Andy Warhol,” said Steven. [Open mike night] “My name is Bing Hitler.” “Gong!” shouted a female voice from the back of the room. “Thank you, Mother,” I shot back. … and Alan Cummings, who you may know as one of the leading ladies of Broadway. |
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