STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
JANUARY 29, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Winner Friday, January 29,
Jay Leno: "Author J.D. Salinger died at 91 after an extremely long bout of teen angst. That joke was for me."
January wins: O’Brien 7, Kimmel 4, Leno 4, Letterman 3, Ferguson 2
Jay Leno: "Las Vegas has the most foreclosures of any city. It’s so bad the New York New York Casino has been renamed Newark Newark." "A man advertised on Craigslist that he’d trade one testicle for Super Bowl tickets. That Brett Favre really wants to go to the Super Bowl." "A group of sorority girls were arrested for paddling pledges. Officers described it as the hottest arrest ever." Jay had some great clips about shows he was pitched for 10:00.
Jimmy Kimmel: "Happy Oprah’s Birthday to everyone. Three wise men followed a star and brought her gold, frankincense and Stedman." "Going up against ‘Lost’ on Tuesday nights, NBC is replacing Jay Leno with ‘The Biggest Loser,’ a title that seems ironic." Jimmy showed a scary picture of John Edwards’ mistress: "This woman doesn’t want us to see her having pregnant sex. I think we can go along with that. No restraining order necessary." "There’s been a huge salami recall. Now what am I going to put on my cereal in the morning?" "Spencer Pratt was arrested for a traffic violation while his wife Heidi is off on a tour supporting her plastic surgery."
Craig Ferguson: "One of Tiger Woods’ mistresses is saying that his sex fantasies aren’t normal. He’s a man. If his sex fantasies were normal he wouldn’t be normal." "’When in Rome’ opens today. She takes coins out of the Fountain of Love, and that makes people fall in love with her. If that were true, everyone would be in love with hobos. Call me, Railroad Bob." "Caligula thought he was God and shagged everything that moved. He was their John Edwards. Caligula made his horse a Senator to show his contempt for the political process. Like John McCain picked Sarah Palin to be his running mate."
I never go window-shopping, unless it’s for windows.
Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla — you ain’t done till the gorilla’s done.
When I did drink again it was not El-D, and I was careful, consuming just a few beers before I went to the Y disco, and I soon began to see what the fuss was about with regard to alcohol. It was fun. If you got the right buzz on, it really could make you feel like a giant as you took that Friday night saunter into the darkened church hall where the girls were already dancing in little circles around their handbags.
See Related: STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
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