STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
JANUARY 21, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Winner Thursday, January 21, Jimmy Kimmel, who showed a brilliant video of "The Late Night War" as a Ken Burns documentary.
January wins: O’Brien 7, Letterman 3, Leno 2, Kimmel 2
David Letterman: "Massachusetts elects a Senator who’s a Republican and who drives a truck, a Chevy with 200,000 miles on it. Which is harder to believe? Massachusetts elects a Republican or Chevy builds a truck that lasts 200,000 miles? His opponent was ahead by 20 points, but she blew it. Apparently she put in the Patriot’s defense. Scott Brown’s a former go-go boy. He liked to pose naked for magazines, and that’s given other politicians ideas. Here’s Senator Chuck Schumer."
"Scott and his wife celebrated by taking a walk on the beach.”
“Air France has started charging obese passengers for two seats. On the bright side, two seats, two meals.” “TV news, tomorrow night will be Conan O’Brien’s last show. Was there a problem? Conan was there for seven months and he’s walking away with $45,000,000. It’s like a Larry King divorce. As part of the settlement Conan will not be allowed to badmouth NBC. Don’t worry. Leave that to me."
Top Ten Surprising Facts About Scott Brown: 10. He’s the nephew of Godfather of Soul James Brown. 9. Climate change is partly the result of his smoldering hunkiness. 8. His response to the health care reform crisis: “Don’t Blame Conan.” 7. Got start in politics by rounding up illegals to work in Mitt Romney’s yard. 6. Once in state senate, cracked a walnut with his ass. 3. When his daughter was finalist on “American Idol,” he exchanged beauty tips with Ryan Seacrest. 2. His election helped GOP ratings skyrocket to 17%! 1. It’s so cold today in Boston today he actually put on pants.
Jay Leno: "People in L.A. haven’t seen this much water since the Octomom gave birth." "The balance of power in the Senate is switching from the incapable to the morally corrupt. New Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown posed nude for ‘Cosmo’ back when GOP stood for Grand Old Package.’" "John Edwards had asked his aide to steal the baby’s diaper for a DNA test. Turned out both the diaper and Edwards were full of crap." "An off-duty Chicago cop had his nipple bitten off while trying to stop a fight. He said he was just glad the other guy wasn’t a dwarf." "The Shady Lady Brothel in Nevada has America’s first legal male prostitute for women. For $50 he’ll talk dirty to you. For $100 he’ll have sex with you. For $200 he’ll listen to you." "Conan is leaving NBC tomorrow. I’m staying with the Titanic."
Jon Stewart: "John Edwards cheated on his cancer-stricken wife and had a baby with his documentarian mistress, whose vagina was evidently doing a documentary on his penis." "Massachusetts: What did Brown do for you?"
Stephen Colbert: "If Obama were as good as Sarah Palin he’d be retired by now."
Conan O’Brien: "I knew it was official this morning when NBC dropped off all my CDs and picked up the lava lamp. My apologies to the guests who were scheduled for next week: President Barack Obama, the Pope, the Queen of England and ElvisPresley." Conan listed the people he’s made fun of. "Today I realized they all still have shows and I don’t. According to my agreement with NBC I’m prohibited from coming within 500 yards of 11:30." Guest Ben Stiller suggested they seal up the $50,000,000 studio that had only been used for 7 months. "Then in 75 years your aged children can open it up to see how Andy’s doing." Guest Robin Williams: "How much for the couch? You leave, and it’s going to be Dave and Jay battling over a merkin."
Jimmy Kimmel: "You pay me $45,000,000, and I’ll go home right now. Haiti is trying to get fired by NBC."
"Here in L.A. we’ve had fire, and we’ve had rain. We’ve had sunny days we thought would never end. We’re being destroyed by a James Taylor song." "Some important news for those of you who enjoy sexual intercourse, many Chinese condoms are defective. Maybe the fact that there are so many Chinese should have tipped us off." "Tonight is the season finale of ‘Jersey Shore,’ and the kids have all gone back to Harvard."
Jimmy Fallon: "President Obama has three years left, but NBC offered him $45,000,000 to leave now." "Yesterday was Penguin Awareness Day. That must be why I didn’t see any commuting yesterday. They must have all had the day off." "Dave Letterman, Conan O’Brien and I have all hosted this show. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that it’s not a ticket to hosting ‘The Tonight Show.’"
Craig Ferguson: "It was the season finale of ‘Jersey Shore,’ the most popular show in MTV history, even bigger than ‘Ride My Pimp.’" "Welcome our first guest, the lovely and fragrant Adam Goldberg."
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