STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
JANUARY 10, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Extra Zingers winner Seth Meyers: "Octomom Doctor Sued: Who’d have thought a doctor could get into trouble for seeing how many babies he could squeeze into a crazy lady."
January wins: Letterman 2, O’Brien 1, Kimmel 1, Leno 1
Joel McHale on "The Soup:" "’The Jersey Shore,’ otherwise known as ‘The Veal World’ …" Joel showed a clip from Lie Detector Night on "The Love of Ray J." The girl is asked if she’s still taking drugs. She says no. Lie. She’s asked if she only strips on slow nights. She says yes. Lie. She’s asked if she’s ever had a pimp. She gives an amused no. Lie. Ray J puts his head in his hands. Joel did a fake commercial for Steven Seagal Energy Drink: "The only thing I’d rather have is nothing."
John Oliver on his new show "New York Stand-Up:" "I came to America much like Eddie Murphy, a fictional African prince. America used to be admired by all the world. By the time I arrived … well, America was like a beautiful girl throwing up all over everybody." "I’ve learned your rudimentary language." "Then you had the Obama election, in which I couldn’t vote. I said, ‘Wait a minute. I’ve been here over three years. I pay my taxes. It was taxation without representation. I began to see what you people had been on about." "Obama. Will we get the change we forced him to promise us?"
Maria Bamford on "New York Standup:" "We played Joy Whack-a-Mole. One person says something they’re really happy about, and somebody else knocks them down."
Fabrice Fabrice on "New York Standup:" "My name is Fabrice Fabrice, a name so nice you have to say it again.
Wanda Sykes on "The Wanda Sykes Show:" "The underwear bomber was wearing Fruit of the Boom. How did the underwear bomber have the balls to plead not guilty?" Wanda was on crutches. "Yes, I broke my foot. I was playing footsie with my wife and she won. It just snapped. I guess there’s not a lot of calcium in wine." "Twitter takes the fun out of stalking." "The G-spot is like bin Laden. If we can’t find him he doesn’t exist." Guest Neece: "The G-spot is like Santa Claus. If you believe …" Neece: With Tiger I feel like, hey, I’m a waitress, I got a shot." Wanda: "If you’re a white waitress." Guest Snoop Dogg wanted to replace Charlie Sheen on "Two and a Half Men." Guest Neil Patrick Harris: "They’d have to change it to ‘Two and a Half Ounces.’"
Seth Meyers on "SNL:" "Rudi Giuliani said there were no terrorist attacks under Bush, and there’s been one under Obama. I knew someday we’d all start forgetting 9/11, but I never dreamed Giuliani would be the first." James Carville impersonator: "Full body scans are fine. Just measure my penis and let me go through." "These Republicans are like fat ladies in a milkshake store, grasping at straws." Seth Meyers: "Lady Gaga is the new spokesperson for Polaroid. Seems like a good fit. Like a Polaroid, with Lady Gaga it takes a few minutes to figure out what you’re looking at." The New York Governor Paterson impersonator was belittling "The Jersey Shore." Seth: "Wait a minute. ‘The Jersey Shore’ isn’t representative of the whole state." Impersonator: "I know. They’re the cream of the crop. They’re New Jersey’s ‘McLaughlin Group.’"
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