STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
JANUARY 6, 2010
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Winner Wednesday, Janurary 6, Conan O’Brien Celebrity Interview: "The claim that Warren Beatty slept with 12,000 women …" Queen Elizabeth II: "Makes me feel less special."
January wins: Letterman 2, O’Brien 1
David Letterman: "It was so cold today Regis couldn’t get his new hip to start." "I made some resolutions. #1 I’ve got to find something to do with my life now Oprah’s quitting. #2 Crash a White House steak dinner." "Think how bad it is going to Detroit knowing your underpants are going to explode. You know, we might tell security to watch out for guys with fuses hanging out of their flies." "Joan Rivers was stopped at the airport. Security in Costa Rica is tighter than Joan’s face." "The female G-spot may be a myth. G-spot? I can’t even find a parking spot." "A book about Osama bin Laden has been written by his dumb son, Osama W. bin Laden."
Jay Leno: "Ann Coulter is against body scans at airports because terrorists can still hide bombs in their anuses. At last she’s talking about something she knows about." "Senator Chris Dodd has revealed a plan to eliminate corruption in the Senate. He’s resigning." "A book about Warren Beatty says he slept with almost 13,000 women. That man’s a real tiger. Guest Jim Norton on Tiger Woods: "I can relate to a man in a fetal position moaning, ‘Why couldn’t that hooker keep her mouth shut?’ Some of the women said he wouldn’t wear a condom. I don’t like to wear a condom either, but he has a billion dollars to lose. I have no money to lose and herpes to give. AT&T dropped him. Do you think they’re just jealous that he’s been in more hot spots than their 3G network?"
Stephen Colbert: "Our guest found a floating mass of garbage in the Pacific twice the size or Texas, or as I call it, Australia." "I’m still reeling from the Christmas attack on America, the Senate passing a health care bill."
Conan O"Brien: "There are record low temperatures all across America, or as we in L.A. call it, not our problem." "’Avatar’ has already made a billion dollars, and there’s a web site to let you learn the alien language. It’s www.neverseenladyparts.com." "ESPN is launching the first 3-D sports network, everything from women’s beach volleyball to women’s beach volleyball." Celebrity Survey: In 2010 I’m going to lose … Tiger Woods: "$300 million." While watching "Avatar" I thought … Lou Dobbs: "Someone should round up those blue Mexicans." When watching the new reality show "Jersey Shore" I think … The ghost of Christopher Columbus: "I should have turned back."
Jimmy Kimmel: "Health officials in Mexico announced … Did you know they had health officials in Mexico?"
Jimmy Fallon: "Joe Biden didn’t want to meet in the White House Situation Room. He wanted to meet in the Snookie Room." "The religious right is upset that the new transgender appointment to the Dept. of Commerce advances the transgender agenda. Number 1 on the agenda is swapping out the genitals." "Producers are upset that the script for the third movie ‘Twilight: Eclipse’ was leaked on the internet. They were even more upset when they found it had been leaked in book form two years ago." "Cockroaches were found in a facility preparing airline food. To be fair, they’d wanted to leave, but couldn’t get a flight." "A little boy in China stuck chopsticks so far up his nose he had to be rushed to the doctor. But don’t worry; he’s back at work."
Craig Ferguson: "Ann Coulter says airport body scanners are an invasion of privacy. I think she doesn’t want anybody to see her penis." "A whaling ship rammed a whale protester ship, whose crew had to transferred to another protest boat named the Bob Barker, probably because it’s old and leaky. I’ve always liked whales. I saw the movie ‘Free Willie’ about twelve times. Then I saw another movie of the same name about a whale. Whales can sleep with one eye open. I learned to do that during my first marriage." Guest Ray Romano: "Whenever my wife criticizes anything I do I tell her to go cry in a bag of money."
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