« Previous—Next »

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION - NOVEMBER 25 2009

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
NOVEMBER 25 2009

By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

November wins: O’Brien 5, Leno 4, Colbert 2, Ferguson 2, Letterman 2, Fallon 1, Kimmel 1, Handler 1

Nov. 25 winner Conan O’Brien: He showed a clip of an Olympic snowboarder guest taking a nasty spill. Other guest Norm MacDonald: "You make it look so easy."

David Letterman: Monologue not posted on web site.

Jay Leno: "The federal government has started to spend money on medical marijuana research, with the slogan, ‘Yes we cannabis.’" "A guy bit a girl on the neck while watching ‘Twilight.’ I won’t tell you what he did at ‘Brokeback mountain.’" "The Chinese have invented a bra that lets a woman increase her bust size at the touch of a button. How many guys wish they had that for pants?"

Chelsea Handler: "Zac Efron is going to play a James Bond villain. His name will be I Don’t Like Pussy Galore."

Conan O’Brien: "At the White House dinner for the Indian Prime Minister, Adam Lambert made out with the sitar player." "Native Americans will have a float in the Macy’s Parade. They’re happy that with today’s economy Manhattan is again worth only $24." "Lou Dobbs is trying to appeal to Latinos, so he went on Telemundo. He didn’t go over very well when he kept yelling, ‘Speak English!’" "Japanese scientists have managed to fertilize two eggs with a single sperm. The hardest part was keeping the sperm from just watching the two eggs go at it." Guest Norm MacDonald: "In the new ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ Johnny Depp will do full frontal nudity. It’ll be rated Arrgh." Guest comedian Dan Cummins: "I like greeting cards that are very specific: ‘Wow, we’ve been together ten years. We don’t have sex as often. It’s difficult with the kids. And the wife. Happy Secretaries’ Day!’"

Jimmy Kimmel: "I’m having a turdunkin tomorrow. It’s a turkey stuffed with donuts." "Obama pardoned the White House turkey, which is now haunting the streets and will probably kill again." "I’m not watching the Macy’s parade. I’m not interested in balloons anymore unless there are boys in them."

Jimmy Fallon: "A strip club in San Francisco had a benefit for Toys for Tots. If you gave a toy you got a free lap dance. There was a big sign out front, though I didn’t think there was an ‘i’ in ‘tots.’"

Craig Ferguson: "Tis the night before Thanksgiving. All the food’s in the oven. And I’m in the bedroom. Practicing self lovin.’" "Everybody eats farty food for three days, and then they all cram together on airplanes. When I fly I put a red ribbon on my suitcase so it doesn’t look like all the others. I also tie a red ribbon on my penis." "Turkey has tryptophan, which makes you sleepy. I also get sleepy from chicken, but only after I choke it. If they’d made the turkey the national bird we’d all have to eat bald eagle, which for legal reasons I can’t mention is delicious. Tomorrow I’m not going to stop eating until I taste tablecloth."

See Related: STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION