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STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION - NOVEMBER 24 2009

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
NOVEMBER 24 2009

By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

November wins: Leno 4, O’Brien 4, Colbert 2, Ferguson 2, Letterman 2, Fallon 1, Kimmel 1, Handler 1

Nov. 24 winner Chelsea Handler: "Michael Jackson’s doctor is practicing again. You don’t even have to go to his office. He’ll just meet you at the cemetery."

David Letterman:"Big coyote problem in New York City. One attacked and ran off with Mayor Bloomberg, and Donald Trump has been cautioned to keep that thing on his head indoors." "A guy on an airplane is smuggling lizards in his pants, and the flight crew becomes suspicious when one of them starts telling them how much money they can save by switching to Geiko." "O.J. Simpson is counseling other prisoners on anger management. How messed up do you have to be to get anger management counseling from O.J. Simpson?"
Top Ten Surprises At Tonight’s White House State Dinner: 8. Security screamed, “That’s not an illegal immigrant you’re yelling at, that’s the Indian Prime Minister, Mr. Dobbs." 6. The shocking open mouth kiss between Senator Chris Dodd and Adam Lambert. 1. Levi Johnston jumped out of the damn cake .

Jay Leno: "A judge in Georgia ruled that it’s not illegal for teachers to have sex with consenting students over the age of 16. And in Georgia that often means third graders." "People in Peru are getting murdered for their fat, which can be sold to cosmetics companies for up to $60,000. I know what you’re thinking. ‘I’m sitting on a gold mine!’" "I don’t see what Bella doesn’t just date the vampire AND the werewolf. One can’t come out at night, and the other one can’t come out in the day."

Chelsea Handler: "The man who bought Michael Jackson’s glove for $350,000 says it smells like Macaulay Culkin." "There’s a list of the ten worst celebrity parents, and John Phillips, who molested his daughter, was only number two. He said, ‘Who do I have to f**k to make number one?’"

Conan O’Brien: "John McCain wasn’t invited to the White House dinner for the Prime Minister of India, but, after all, it was at 8 p.m." "In Brooklyn two lesbians got into a fight over their cat and were arrested for being stereotypes."

Jimmy Kimmel: With no explanation Regis Philbin was hosting. "I like hosting late-night. Do you hear that annoying high-pitched whine? Yeah, neither do I." Then Jimmy hobbled out tied to a chair, with duct tape over his mouth and a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his neck. Jimmy had bet $1,000 on Donny Osmond to win "Dancing with the Stars" and had won $7,000. "Just call me Nostradonmus." "Did you see Adam Lambert on the ‘American Music Awards? Let’s just say Lady Gaga’s burning piano wasn’t the most flaming thing on that stage."

Jimmy Fallon: "It’s almost Thanksgiving, or as turkeys call it, Armageddon. The average turkey has 3,500 feathers, tying it with Lady Gaga." "I bought Adam Lambert’s new album today. The salesman made out with me and then flipped me off."

Craig Ferguson: "Susan Boyle’s album is coming out today. I love her and her eyebrow. But there’s only room for one Scottish virgin in show business, and that’s me." "Have you seen ‘Pants Off Dance Off?’ I wish other cable shows would take their pants off. Are you listening, Anderson Cooper?"

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