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STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION - NOVEMBER 16 2009

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
NOVEMBER 16 2009

By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

November wins: O’Brien 3,

Ferguson 1, Letterman 1

Monday, November 16

Winner Jay Leno: "The Chinese presented President Obama with a bootleg copy of ‘Twilight: New Moon.’"

David Letterman: “President Obama is in China. Here’s a man who understands oppressive regimes. After all, he lives with his mother-in-law.” Top Ten Surprises In The Sarah Palin Book: 10. Cover photo is actually Tina Fey. 8. Nearly had to pull out of campaign after spraining her winking muscle. 6. Includes fantasy sequence where she beats Katie Couric with her own microphone. 5. Someone’s got a crush on Jon Gosselin. 4. It’s a science fiction romance about moody teenage vampires. 3. Favorite website: YoubetchaTube. 2. Includes Levi Johnston centerfold. 1. Even Sarah doesn’t know what Todd does.

Jay Leno: "Police paid a guy $180 to go into a massage parlor and have sex four times. And they say there are no good jobs out there!" "Australian doctors are developing a technique to let women grow larger breasts. They tried it first on pigs. Breasts that smell like bacon? Heaven!" "Levi Johnston is getting advice from Jon Gosselin. I have advice for both of them. Wear a condom."

Jon Stewart: Headlines for a story about the Toy Hall of Fame: "Jon Stewart Looks at Children’s Things. Uncle Jon Has Something to Show You. Windowless News Van for Kids."

Stephen Colbert: "The gays want more rights. Come on, we already gave them Doogie Howser." "That bow in Japan made Obama look weaker than Karl Rove’s chin."

Conan O’Brien: "Lou Dobbs says he’ll find his next job by hanging out in the parking lot at Home Depot." "Angelina Jolie is going to adopt a Syrian child. She really doesn’t want another kid, but with 12 punches on your card you get one free." "Britney Spears is marketing her own iPhone app. It helps you find the 7-11 where you left your children." "Australian doctors are developing a technique to let women grow their breasts larger without implants. And by ‘doctors’ I mean ‘heroes.’" "The Spanish government is promoting masturbation with the slogan, ‘Pleasure is in your hands.’ The second choice was, ‘Take a whack at happiness.’"

Jimmy Fallon: "In a speech Bill Gates said Steve Jobs has done wonderful things. Then Gates froze up and had to be restarted." "A woman in England with Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome has up to 300 orgasms a day. She finally found a man who can satisfy her. His name is Duracell."

Craig Ferguson: "This afternoon Sarah Palin hinted she wants to be the leader of the free world, and Oprah was sitting right there." "A woman in England claims she has 300 orgasms a day. When doctors asked her if that was true she said, ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’" "The movie ‘2012′ is so successful they’re making a sequel where the world ends again. It’s ‘2013: The Legend of Curly’s Gold.’ The world ends because of the shifting of the Earth’s poles. I always stick to the same one so the regulars can find me."

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