STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION - SEPTEMBER 16 2009
17 September 2009 STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
SEPTEMBER 16 2009
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
September 16 winner: Jay Leno: “Wall Street executives have been spending their huge bonuses on useless things, like Senator Chris Dodd.”
September wins: Fallon 4, O’Brien 3, Ferguson 2, Letterman 1, Leno 1
Jay Leno: “Joe Wilson still refuses to apologize. Kanye West says, ‘I’ll do it!’” “Osama bin Laden is still releasing audio tapes. He just doesn’t get this whole Twitter thing. He’s a big fan of Whitney Houston. With Islamic views on women, you’d think he’d be a fan of Bobby Brown.” “Blockbuster is closing a thousand stores. Now even movies going straight to video don’t want to go to Blockbuster.” Jay had a new segment: “Great White Moments in Black History: Ricki Lake starts saying, ‘You go, girl,’ so black people quit saying it. Thank you.” “A couple was having sex in a dumpster when a passerby robbed them. Remember, folks, when you’re having sex in a dumpster, always close the lid.” “In honor of gay marriage in Vermont, Ben & Jerry came out with Hubby Hubby ice cream. Why not just ‘Ben & Jerry’?” “Ellen DeGeneres is the new judge on ‘American Idol.’ A talk show host in prime time? I don’t know. Sounds very risky.” Jay announced the new government program for trading in your dumb children: “Cash for Flunkers.” Guest Robin Williams: “When Serena Williams plays Merilyn Sakova it’s the closest thing to phone sex you’re ever going to hear.” Jay asked Miley Cyrus, “Who was your idol growing up?” Miley: “Dolly Parton.” Jay: “Me too!”
Jon Stewart: “Scoldplay” segment about Joe Wilson apology flap. Lewis Black on Serena Williams and Kanye West: “Oh no! Anger has taken over the 7th most popular sport and 38th most important awards show. Jay Leno made Kanye West cry. That wuss would never make it through ‘Steel Magnolias.’”
Stephen Colbert: “Reading, Writing and Wrath-matic.”
Conan O’Brien: “Kanye West called Taylor Swift to apologize after he saw her on ‘The View.” Rappers just love ‘The View.’” “Whitney Houston says she told Bobby Brown she was going to the store and just never came back. When asked about this Brown said, ‘She’s not still at the cocaine store?’” Conan made some jokes about Attention Deficit Disorder Awareness Day. “I’m going to get a lot of half-finished letters about these jokes.” “Adolf Hitler has 39 living relatives. Not one of them has a sign on the door ‘Welcome to the Hitlers.’” “In Canada three animal rights activists dressed as seals for a protest. They were treated humanely and will make wonderful coats.” “The average woman can keep a secret for 47 hours. The study itself was secret until somebody told Brenda.” “A marijuana bust at Dunkin’ Donuts today involved 500 cops.” “New York Fashion Week featured Snuggies in zebra and leopard prints, so you can perfectly combine dork and whore.”
Jimmy Fallon: “Jimmy Carter says he thinks Joe Wilson’s rudeness to President Obama was based on racism. Wilson says, ‘I can’t get mad at Jimmy Carter. He’s white.’ Joe Wilson’s Secret Service code name, by the way, is ‘Kanye.’” “Magician David Copperfield turned 53 today. He had a great time opening his presents. ‘It’s a sweater. No, it’s an iPod.’” “George Clooney said he’d rather have a prostate exam on live TV by a guy with cold hands than have a Facebook page. Now guys with cold hands are trying to friend him.” “A Harry Potter theme park opens next week. It’s expected to set a world record for most pairs of glasses lost on a ride.”
See Related: STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
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