STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION – SEPTEMBER 4 2009

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
SEPTEMBER 4 2009

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By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

September 4 winner: Jimmy Fallon: “Labor Day is the day set aside to remember when people had jobs.”

September wins: Fallon 2, Letterman 1, Ferguson 1

David Letterman: “Monday is Labor Day, and Tuesday the Sidewalk Santas hit the street. I can tell you people are an autumn audience, because you’re starting to turn.” “Moamer Kadhafi is coming to New York, and he was going to rent Joan Rivers’ apartment, but at the last minute the deal fell through, as did Joan’s face.” “Here at CBS ‘CSI Miami’ is starting its fifth year, and the star David Caruso is introducing a new facial expression, bringing the total to two.” “I’m having the annual Labor Day picnic at my house, sort of a death panel with relish. My family are all excited. They can’t wait for the return of Jay.” “Sarah Palin’s having a big cookout for all her family and friends up there in Alaska. What’s that? Can she cook? I’ll say. Don’t you remember last year when she cooked John McCain’s goose? And next month Sarah Palin has a speaking engagement in Hong Kong, which she can almost see from her house. The Chinese are all excited, but they think they’re getting Tina Fey. Sarah Palin’s going to do all she can to promote capitalism, and then she’ll be flying around in a helicopter shooting pandas.” “A lot of people don’t know this. Twice a week Larry King wears ONLY his suspenders.” “This year the CEO of Hallmark didn’t receive a single birthday card.” “During sex, optometrists ask, ‘Which is better, this or this?’”
Top Ten Signs You Wasted Your Summer: 8. Developed vaccine for swan flu. 3. You’re watching this show. 2. Spent past 3 weeks camping out for Michael Jackson tickets. 1. You play for the Mets.

Conan O’Brien: “McDonald’s is suing McCurry’s in India for stealing their name. Then they’re suing every pub in Ireland.” “A publisher in England is coming out with a new ‘Winnie the Pooh’ book, ‘Pooh II: The Wrath of Piglet.’”

Jimmy Kimmel: “Labor Day is the traditional end of summer, except in L.A. where it’s when Matthew McConaughey puts his shirt back on.”

Jimmy Fallon: “President Obama once wrote a magazine article, ‘Smoke Your Way to Washboard Abs.’” “There’s a new video game where you pretend to play Beatles songs on fake instruments. It’s like being The Monkees. There are three skill levels: Hard, Medium and Ringo.” “In an interview Chris Brown said Oprah’s comments on his domestic abuse conviction were a slap in the face. Then he said, ‘Strike that.’”

Craig Ferguson: “Give a man a hooker, and he’ll have fun for a night. Teach him to hire a hooker, and he’s set for life.”

See Related: STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION

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