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STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION - AUGUST 3 2009

STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
AUGUST 3 2009

By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange

August 3 winner: Jon Stewart: “A guy had sex with the same horse twice, and would have gotten away with it if the horse hadn’t bragged about it on Facebook.” (Showed post from Equus77.)

August wins: Jon Stewart 1

Jon Stewart: “Master Rebators: Cash for Clunkers: The government could use the same approach to solve the health care problem too. They’d call it ‘Greenbacks for Grannies.’ It’s the Axe Body Spray of stimulus programs. ‘Sure I want to attract women, but I don’t want to be gang-raped in the elevator.” Jon showed the “Crank Cycle: Fox news broadcasts a new talking point. A viewer repeats it in public. Fox covers that as a news item, thus proving the talking point.” “A guy in South Carolina said an escaped gorilla was an ancestor of Michelle Obama. I won’t believe that until I see the gorilla’s birth certificate.”

Conan O’Brien: “George W. Bush is writing his memoirs: ‘Me Do Bad Job.’” “John McCain says he picked Sarah Palin as his running mate as part of a high-risk/high-reward strategy, same reason he takes Metamucil.” “Sarah Palin is denying divorce rumors. And, really, when have you known her not to see something through?” “Some Mozart music has been found. Here’s one piece.” (A pianist played the theme from ‘Cheers.’) “A guy was dating four different women. They found out about it and put Krazy Glue on his penis. Unfortunately they didn’t know about the fifth woman.” To go one better than Cash for Clunkers, Conan is going to blow up a winner’s car on TV and give the winner a new Lexus HS. See nbc.com for entry rules.

Jimmy Fallon: “President Obama turns 48 tomorrow. Joe Biden is giving him 24 hours of silence.” “In a recent performance Paul McCartney dedicated ‘Michelle’ to Michelle Obama. He also dedicated ‘Tax Man’ to Barack Obama and ‘I Am the Walrus’ to Kevin Federline.” “A young man tracked down the people who’d stolen his iPhone by using the app ‘Find My iPhone.’ His funeral is Wednesday.” “A Wal-Mart employee in Tennessee was bitten by a robber. Luckily, since this was Wal-Mart, no teeth were involved.”

Craig Ferguson: “There’s a video of Tiger Woods farting on a golf course during a tournament. He won the match. The fart came in third.” “Mark Wahlberg was married over the weekend, with valet parking by the Funky Bunch.” “It’s Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. Sharks have no predators. They go where they please and eat what they want. They’re the Baldwins of the ocean.”

“Big Bang Theory”: Leonard: “Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?” Sheldon: “How else are they going to learn?” Later: Sheldon: “I’m obviously too evolved for driving.”

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