STRANGE de JIM’S ZINGERS COLLECTION
JULY 9 2009
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
July 9 winner: David Letterman: Top Ten Reasons To See The New Movie “Bruno”: 6. Don’t you want to see a crazy gay Austrian who isn’t the governor of California?
July wins: O’Brien 2, Letterman 2
David Letterman: “Sarah Palin may get her own television program, and I was thinking, ‘I don’t know. She seems pretty camera shy.’ Sarah, if you’re watching … (wild applause) be very careful. You can get into a lot of trouble for what you say.” “JFK shut down for an hour and a half today, turtles on the runway. Fortunately planes were able to take off and land in the Hudson. ‘Turtles on the runway’ is usually code for ‘the pilot is drunk.’” “O.J. Simpson is 62 today. They had a party, and then out of habit he hid the knife.” “Ruth Madoff now only has two and a half million dollars. She’s looking at a new little place over at 1 Ponzi Plaza. She’s moving on with her life. I hear she’s even involved with a guy. What a coincidence; so is Bernie.” “Osama bin Laden’s first wife has written a book. She says she knew the marriage was in trouble when he said he was going for a hike on the Appalachian Trail.” “They’re having the big G8 Summit in Italy. Usually there are a lot of protests, but this year there was just a small ‘Fire Dave’ rally.” “A guy in Connecticut showed up for a dentist appointment naked. The worst part is he told the dentist he needed something pulled.”
Top Ten Reasons To See The New Movie “Bruno” (read by Bruno): 10. It’s like Transformers but not as gay. 7. If you ask nicely, the guys behind the candy counter will rub the chemical butter all over your buttocks. 3. Harry Potter isn’t the only movie character who’s good with his wand. 2. Bruno is a flamboyantly gay entertainer who makes people uncomfortable, like David Letterman.
Conan O’Brien: “Sarah Palin may be getting her own TV show. That’ll be perfect for people who find Paula Abdul too coherent.” “Nancy Pelosi sees no need for a Congressional tribute to Michael Jackson. It’s enough that she’s slowly starting to look like him.” “The Backstreet Boys are about to launch their Middle-Aged Guys Who Didn’t Invest Wisely Tour.” “A study has shown that ugly men produce more sperm during sex than attractive men. The good news is they’re usually by themselves when this happens.”
Craig Ferguson: “I went to Pamplona in the 80s. By the third day I was living in a dumpster and had been gored in the ass twice. Then I went out and ran with the bulls.”
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