STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES September 7 2011
September Strangies: Leno 1, Fallon 1, Ferguson 1, Letterman 1, Kimmel 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Wednesday, September 7
10. Jimmy Fallon: Hashtags: #whyimsingle: I don’t think my Xbox would understand if I brought a girl home.
9. Craig Ferguson: The kids go back to school in L.A. today. They’re back to the 3 Rs: Readin’, Ritin’ & Ritalin.
8. David Letterman: The Republican debate was on earlier tonight. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting and sexual dysfunction.
7. Jimmy Kimmel: For many kids, today was the first day of school, and according to 98% of them it was “fine.”
6. Stephen Colbert: Sunday is the 10th anniversary of 9/11, which means it can only be another 5 years before we discover Saddam Hussein’s WMDs.
5. Conan O’Brien: The oil industry said if they were allowed to drill more, they could create over a million new jobs. Of course most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off ducks.
4. David Letterman: Michele O’Bachmann is dropping rapidly in the polls. If she loses 3 more points she goes on “Dancing with the Stars.”
3. David Letterman: Homeland Security is saying you may no longer have to remove your shoes when you fly. Welcome to the golden age of travel. I just hope they don’t stop wanding my inner thighs.
2. Conan O’Brien: In Iowa Sarah Palin ran a half marathon and came in in second place. Of course no one saw her do it, because she refused to tell anyone she was running.
1. Jimmy Kimmel: Sarah Palin ran an unannounced half marathon in Iowa. Wait, did she run a half marathon or run half a marathon and quit? Is there anything Sarah Palin can’t do half of?
Stories I Only Tell My Friends by Rob Lowe, Henry Holt and Company 2011
Page 228 – I see Gregory Peck, Robert Wagner, Cary Grant and Prince Rainier and approach the group.
“Excuse me. I just wanted to say good-bye and thank you for letting me be a part of a wonderful evening.”
Rainier grunts and nods, the rest offer warm good-byes and I head out.
Then, when I am almost out of earshot I hear my future “Austin Powers” costar Robert Wagner say, “Ya know, guys, I think that kid’s banged every one of our daughters.”
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