STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES August 18 2011
August Strangies: O’Brien 4, Kimmel 3, Stewart 2, Leno 2, Letterman 1, Fallon 1, Ferguson 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Thursday, August 18
(Letterman, Leno, Fallon & Ferguson in reruns)
10. Conan O’Brien: Joe Lieberman has written a memoir in which he reveals why having sex with his wife on the Sabbath is so important to him. It’s in the chapter called “You Might Want to Skip This.”
9. Conan O’Brien guest Hugh Moore: I’m very happy Martin Luther King is getting a statue in Washington, D.C. The problem is, the statue is 30 feet high. How are they going to clean that thing? If they take a hose to it it’s going to look bad. The maintenance guy is going to get people mad at him every day.
8. Jimmy Kimmel: The DOW went down 400 points today. It’s been down and up and down. The economy is like Oprah’s belt. What? It isn’t?
7. Jon Stewart: World Class Warfare: This week bizarrely uneccentric billionaire Warren Buffet suggested taxes be raised on people like him. Fox News called this class warfare. [Showed clips of Fox News accusing Buffet of being a socialist.]
6. Stephen Colbert: Guest Kevin Mitnick, computer hacker, wrote “Ghost in the Wires,” about his career. He started by hacking his friend’s phone to make it a pay phone, so that whenever his family tried to use the phone, an operator told them to deposit 25 cents.
5. Jimmy Kimmel: “Jersey Shore” is in Italy this season, which is what Italy gets for teaming up with Hitler in WWII. In this episode the cast visited one of Florence’s outdoor leather markets, where Snooki was accidentally sold as a purse. I really miss “The Cosby Show”.
4. [Stephen Colbert showed the clip of Anderson Cooper losing it and giggling like a schoolgirl over Gerard Depardieu pee jokes, and then Stephen went into a fit of giggles while making a slew of poop jokes.] Anyway, that was very unprofessional, Anderson Pooper.
3. Stephen Colbert: America’s only remaining manufacturing facility is The Cheesecake Factory.
2. Conan O’Brien: Yesterday a brawl broke out during a Joe Biden speech in China. Evidently, somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked.
1. Conan O’Brien: Gerard Depardieu has apologized for urinating on the floor of the first class cabin of an airline. He said, “I’m sorry. I thought I was in coach.”
I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett, Harper 2010
A wonderful story about young witch Tiffany Aching, who must destroy a horrible menace before it destroys her. Author Sir Terry Pratchett has sold over 65,000,000 books.
Page 203 – I got packed off to be an apprentice priest in the Church of Om. I quite liked that; I learned a lot of interesting words, but they threw me out for asking too many questions, such as ‘Is this really true or what?’”
204 – “A kind of code word,” said Preston. “Strictly speaking, it means a word that your enemy would be unable to say. For example, in the case of the Duchess, it might be a good idea to choose a word like ‘please.’”
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