STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES June 16 2011
June Strangies: O’Brien 4, Ferguson 2, Leno 2, Colbert 1, Letterman 1, Fallon 1, Kimmel 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Thursday, June 16
(Stewart, Colbert & Ferguson in reruns)
10. Jimmy Fallon: Today bin Laden’s deputy was made head of Al Qaeda. I know because today he updated his status on LinkedIn.
9. David Letterman: Today is the anniversary of the Great Wall of China. And since it was built, not one Mexican has sneaked in.
8. Jimmy Fallon: A study found fathers spend twice as much time with their kids as fathers did in 1960. Meanwhile, Arnold Shwarzenegger is spending time with twice as many kids as he did 3 weeks ago.
7. Jay Leno: The Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup. The key to their victory? Not signing LeBron James.
6. Conan O’Brien: The good news, Weiner resigned. The bad news, he made the announcement shirtless over Skype. Andy Richter: You got the good news, bad news things exactly wrong.
5. Jay Leno: President Obama met today with the head of Mongolia. Sarah Palins said her favorite movie is “Steel Mongolians.”
4. Jimmy Kimmel: Al Qaeda announced today they’ve found a replacement for bin Laden. Thanks to all of you who texted in your votes.
3. David Letterman: Father’s Day this year is a bonus year for Arnold Shwarzenegger. Last year my son wouldn’t give me my gift until I gave him a DNA swab.
2. Conan O’Brien guest Ryan Reynolds: You’re 15, you’d masturbate to a car accident.
1. Conan O’Brien: What movie title best describes your penis? Andy Richter: “Little Miss Sunshine.”
The Autobiography of Mark Twain, 2010
Page 355 – One day we found him [a storekeeper] asleep in his chair — a custom of his — and we waited patiently for him to wake up, which was a custom of ours. But he slept so long, this time, that at last our patience was exhausted, and we tried to wake him — but he was dead. I remember the shock of it yet.
… In my early manhood, and in middle-life, I used to vex myself with reforms every now and then. And I never had occasion to regret these divergencies, for whether the resulting deprivations were long or short, the rewarding pleasure which I got out of the vice when I returned to it, always paid me for all that it cost.
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