May Strangies: Letterman 5, O’Brien 4, Colbert 2, Leno 2, Kimmel 2, Stewart 1, Ferguson 1, Fallon 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Wednesday, May 25
(Stewart & Colbert in reruns)
10. Jimmy Kimmel: There were a lot of guest singers on the finale of “American Idol.” It was like a mix tape made for you by an ex who hates you. Steven Tyler is really something. I haven’t seen an old lady this sexed up on TV since Mrs. Olsen.
9. Jay Leno: The average couple fights about sex 87 times a year. And even more if the maid is pregnant. Arnold’s maid has hired a lawyer, so I guess it’s her turn to screw him.
8. Conan O’Brien: Kirstie Alley says now she’s finished with “Dancing with the Stars” she’s considering a Broadway show. She’s leaning towards doing “Fiddler on the Reinforced Roof.”
7. David Letterman: Kirstie Alley came in 2nd on “Dancing with the Stars.” And 3rd and 4th … Kirstie did a cartwheel. President Obama is refusing to release the pictures.
6. Craig Ferguson: I hear Oprah’s opening a theme park, Oprahland. The best rides are Cash Mountain, Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride in a Free Car, and the most popular ride of all, of course, Gayle.
5. Craig Ferguson: Oprah’s show will be in reruns until September, and then she’ll be replaced by Ashton Kutcher. A thousand years from now “oprah” will probably mean anything that helps people. “Man overboard!” “Throw him an oprah!” “Doctor, there’s a rash on my genitals.” “Here, rub some oprah on it.”
4. Jimmy Kimmel: I spent the whole day weeping. Oprah taught me how to listen, how to share, how to care, how to poop in the shape of an “S.” She had a few friends in the audience: Gayle, Maria Shriver. Her personal trainer was there, hiding his face. I wish she’d finished with, “Those books I recommended? I never read any of them.”
3. Jay Leno: [The show opened with a clip of Chaz Bono telling Jay, "You've really changed."]
2. David Letterman: Be honest. How many of you were hoping this was going to be my final show? Oprah’s last show was today. I had a good cry with the girls from our book club. On her last show Oprah explained why she canceled the Apocalypse.
1. Jimmy Kimmel: Oprah said, “Nobody but Jesus could have made this happen for me.” That’s nice; she thanked her Son.
The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early & Television Went Crazy by Bill Carter, Viking 2010
Page 337 – [When Jay Leno invited Jimmy Kimmel to do a "10 at 10" segment, Jimmy reamed Jay on air.] Jay ascribed Jimmy’s motivation to a small-time guy looking to get publicity from taking on a big-time guy. For Kimmel, Jay figured, this was like the best publicity he could get.
In that Jay was certainly right. Kimmel climbed aboard a wave of reaction the likes of which he had rarely experienced before. For three days afterward he felt like Rocky on the steps in Philadelphia. For every one who accused him of being an invited guest who’d peed on his host’s carpet — and there weren’t that many who did — he had thousands of claps on the back. The Internet went wild with kudos for how ballsy he was to take Jay on that way face-to-face.
The reaction Kimmel appreciated most came from the other late-night voice reveling in the Jay-Conan saga. David Letterman sent him a brief note to tell him that his Leno bit had been really funny.
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