STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES MARCH 15 2011
March Strangies: O’Brien 3, Ferguson 3, Stewart 1, Leno 1, Colbert 1, Fallon 1, Letterman 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Tuesday, March 15
(Stewart, Colbert, Handler & O’Brien were in reruns)
10. Jimmy Fallon: Al Qaeda has launched its own womens magazine. I bought a copy, and I tell you right now, those ankles are totally airbrushed.
9. Jimmy Kimmel: Fort Wayne, Indiana, voted online to name their new government center after former mayor Harry Baals, but the administration is going to name it Citizen Square instead. [Jimmy interviewed the mayor and asked him what his wife's maiden name was. It was Kocks. Then Jimmy changed the name of his Hollywood theater to The Harry Baals Theater.]
8. Jimmy Kimmel: Apparently Charlie Sheen is preparing to star in “Major League 3.” It’s hard to believe, of the original stars, Wesley Snipes is the one in prison right now. I hope the Academy does the right thing and gives Charlie and Oscar, because that would be the greatest acceptance speech ever made.
7. David Letterman: Now Charlie Sheen’s doing a one-man show in Detroit. At the end of the show all his personal demons will come out and take a bow.
6. Craig Ferguson: I’m very excited tonight, and you know why? Because I’m paid to be.
5. Jay Leno: President Obama held a meeting on bullying, and he revealed that he himself is bullied every day, by Fox News.
4. Jimmy Fallon: This week in New York is the Clown Convention. You should see the traffic out there. There’s, like, one car.
3. Jimmy Kimmel: Between March Madness, Facebook and Twitter, the average worker puts in 17 minutes a week. I had to bring migrant workers in to take care of my Farmville account.
2. Jay Leno: Did anyone try setting their clock so far ahead you wouldn’t have to hear any more about Charlie Sheen?
1. David Letterman: A woman in Virginia showed up in court with a monkey in her bra. Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay!
I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett, Harper 2010
A wonderful story about young witch Tiffany Aching, who must destroy a horrible menace before it destroys her. Author Sir Terry Pratchett has sold over 65,000,000 books.
Page 67 – “These, however, are the real shilling, if you’ll excuse my little joke.”
Tiffany excused his little joke, because she didn’t get it.
68 – The Baron looked relieved. “Have you ever seen Death?”
She had been expecting this and was ready. “Usually you just feel him passing, sir, but I have seen him twice, in what would have been the flesh, if he had any. He’s a skeleton with a scythe, just like in the books — in fact I think it’s because that’s what he looks like in the books. He was polite but firm, sir.”
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SENTINEL FOUNDER PAT MURPHY
Photo By Luke Thomas FogCityJournal.com