STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES MARCH 1 2011
March Strangies: Stewart 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Tuesday, March 1
10. Jimmy Fallon: On Piers Morgan Charlie Sheen brought out a drug test to prove that he’s clean. Then he answered some questions to prove that he’s not.
9. Conan O’Brien: New Hampshire is debating a bill that would classify some airport screenings as sexual assault. Meanwhile, California is classifying those screenings as “doing what you have to do to get the part.”
8. Jimmy Fallon: Lady Gaga is coming out with a perfume that she says smells like an expensive hooker, and contains a sample of her own blood. Because when a woman puts on perfume she wants to hear, “Pardon me, but are you a bleeding hooker?” “No. I just smell like one.”
7. Jimmy Fallon: A U.S. Ambassador called Moammar Khadafy delusional and separated from reality. When he heard that, Khadafy said, “Duh. Winning.”
6. Jimmy Kimmel: Charlie just started tweeting today and already has 400,000 followers. He listed his occupation as “unemployed winner.” [Jimmy listed all the shows Charlie has been on in the last 2 days.] It’s almost like he’s some kind of addict.
5. Jay Leno: On the “Today” show Charlie Sheen said you can’t compare him to other people, because he has tiger blood. Then Tiger Woods went, “I have Charlie Sheen blood. That’s what happened. Now it all makes sense.”
4. Jay Leno: Christina Aguilara was arrested for public intoxication. I won’t say she was out of it, but she was DEMANDING to be allowed to go back to work on “Two and a Half Men.”
3. David Letterman: If they catch you smoking outdoors in New York City it’s a $50 fine. Same as murder. Smoke from automatic weapons fire, not a problem.
2. Conan O’Brien: There’s a new Ferrari that seats 4 people. At last the whole family can benefit from Dad’s small penis.
1. Jon Stewart: Sarah Palin was so accomplished as Governor she graduated early.
I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett, Harper 2010
A wonderful story about young witch Tiffany Aching, who must destroy a horrible menace before it destroys her. Author Sir Terry Pratchett has sold over 65,000,000 books.
Page 34 – Rob Anybody clearly noticed this, because he turned to his brother and said, “Ye will bring tae mind, brother o’ mine, that there was times when ye should stick you head up a duck’s bottom rather than talk?”
Daft Wullie looked down at his feet. “Sorry, Rob, I couldn’t find a duck just noo.”
43 – It was almost impossible to hurt a Feegle. Any human who tried to stamp on a Feegle would find that the little man he thought was under his boot was now in fact climbing up his trouser leg, and after that the day could only get worse.
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