STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES FEBRUARY 24 2011
February Strangies: Letterman 5, Fallon 4, Leno 3, Ferguson 2, Kimmel 2, O’Brien 2
By Strange de Jim
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Thursday, February 24
10. Jimmy Fallon: Sarah Palin is going to a political conference in India next month. She says she’s loved India ever since she saw “Hoosiers.”
9. Craig Ferguson: The shuttle has flown 143 million miles. It’s the number of frequent flier miles you’d need to get you from L.A. to Reno. Discovery put up the Hubble Telescope and the probe that’s investigated the sun for 18 years. I wonder how long before we can send a probe to Uranus.
8. Conan O’Brien: Today Khadafy described President Obama as an African of Arab and Muslim descent. Immediately after the speech Khadafy was given his own show on Fox News.
7. Jay Leno: A man in Pennsylvania wrapped up like a mummy robbed a convenience store. Police say they’re looking for a man between 19 and 5,000.
6. Craig Ferguson: Discovery was supposed to go to the International Space Station last November, but she wasn’t ready. I say “she” because that’s the way you refer to ships, and also because it took her forever to get ready. I look forward to your outraged blog.
5. Conan O’Brien: The White House is considering supporting same sex marriage. Experts are attributing the change to shifting public attitudes, recent court cases, and the President catching a recent episode of “Glee.”
4. Jay Leno: Moammar Khadafy now controls only a small part of Libya. It’s like being Mayor of Detroit. Moammar’s getting desperate. First he blamed the uprising on drugs, then on Al Qaeda. Today he blamed it all on the teachers’ union.
3. Jimmy Kimmel: Natalie Portman is favored to win Best Actress, and I’m a little worried about her. Since 2010 the husband of every Best Actress winner has cheated on her with a tattooed Nazi stripper.
2. Jimmy Fallon: An artist has created a video game that can only be controlled by French kissing. That’s gotta be awkward when you invite your buddy over to play video games. “Where’s the controller?” “It’s right here. Mmm mmm.” “How the hell did this happen? Let’s never speak of this.”
1. David Letterman: On “American Idol” Jennifer Lopez broke down crying and said, “I can’t do this anymore.” That’s the same thing I say every night. And they were real tears. Some people thought they were fake, but I said, “No, she can’t act.”
Earth (The Book): A Visitor’s Guide to the Human Race by Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart explains Earth’s history to the aliens who have discovered our ruins.
Page 42 – Women housed reproductive systems where young people just starting out in life could crash for the better part of a year while getting themselves together. Women also had breasts, a pair of fatty spheres that gave infants the means to live, and adult men a reason to.
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