STRANGE’S LAST NIGHT’S TOP TEN LATE-NIGHT TV JOKES FEBRUARY 7 2011
February Strangies: Fallon 2, Kimmel 1, Leno 1, Letterman 1
By Strange de Jim
Beep beep! Love from Strange
Monday, February 7
10. David Letterman: They wanted the biggest Super Bowl attendance ever, so they put in 400 extra seats. Then the Fire Marshal nixed it, so 400 people with legitimate tickets showed up and couldn’t get in. They were furious. It’s like you folks.
9. Conan O’Brien: Doctors are saying that sex during pregnancy is almost always safe and enjoyable. Unless you’re the baby. Then it’s terrifying.
8. Jay Leno: Do you know where Osama bin Laden watched the Super Bowl? In his man cave.
7. Craig Ferguson: Two hours before the game the Fire Marshal said 400 seats were unsafe. These people had tickets. They took time off from work. They waited in line for hours. Then they were told they couldn’t get in. Who runs a business like that? Except every airline. Except the ones who advertise on CBS.
6. Jay Leno: Looters damaged a 2,000-year-old mummy in Egypt so badly that it may be impossible to repair. They’re so desperate they’ve flown in Joan Rivers’ plastic surgeon.
5. Jimmy Fallon: The Cleveland Cavaliers set a new NBA record by losing 24 games in a row. In fact, their scoreboard now reads “Home” and “Winners.”
4. Craig Ferguson: I was going to watch the Super Bowl at the Late-Night Hosts Clubhouse. But last year Jay Leno was looking for something to cut the cake, and Conan said, “Why don’t you use the knife you stuck in my back?” Awkward. So I just watched at home this year.
3. Jimmy Fallon: An alligator farm in Florida just installed a zip line visitors can ride above the alligator tanks. It’s like the alligator version of a sushi bar with one of those conveyor belts.
2. Jay Leno: The head of Homeland Security told people at the game, if they saw anything not right give them a call. They got 50 million calls as soon as Christina Aguilera started singing the National Anthem. The good news, you can’t accuse her of lip syncing.
1. Jimmy Fallon: Mattel is releasing Barbie dolls based on the TV show “Dynasty.” So if you like TV shows from the ’80s and you still like Barbie dolls, I’m Chris Hansen from “Dateline NBC.”
French McDonald’s Gay Commercial
Justin Bieber telling Ozzy Osbourne, “I’ll take it from here,” was my favorite Super Bowl commercial
The Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1 2010
Page 183 – But in truth, compliments are sometimes actually GIVEN away, and no bill presented. I know it can occur as much as once in a century, for it has happened once to me, and I am not a century old, yet. It was twenty-nine years ago. I was lecturing in London at the time. I received a most lovely letter, sparkling and glowing with cordial and felicitous praises — and there was NO NAME SIGNED, AND NO ADDRESS!
For each day’s
funniest zingers follow me on Twitter
SENTINEL FOUNDER PAT MURPHY
Photo By Luke Thomas FogCityJournal.com